Lately, in many of my interactions with sisters that I coach, the topic of emotions came up. Sisters want to manage their anger, sadness and frustration better and were surprised when I mentioned that we first have to manage our thoughts if we want to manage our emotions. This is a topic I find fascinating because I have seen how it helped me in my own life maa shaa Allah.
Let’s define emotions first shall we!? 😊
Emotions are simply your
body’s reaction to what you are THINKING, whether you’re thinking on purpose or not. Your
belief system and other unconscious thoughts are happening on autopilot all the time, and often cause emotions. That’s why sometimes you have NO IDEA why you feel the way you do.
Just the other day a sister said ‘I am so emotional today I don’t even know why?’
It takes building awareness of your thoughts and being more familiar with the various emotions to understand one’s feelings better. I find the thoughts and emotions and the brain in general truly fascinating topics. Maa shaa Allah. The creation of Allah is so interesting.
In NLP and also in my emotional intelligence training I have learned that it is the mental filter that the
situation passes through—aka, our interpretation—that then causes our emotional reaction to the
So first we have the fact/the event/the Qadr and that is neutral.
Then our opinion/thought/interpretation of that Qadr causes our emotional reaction which leads to our actions.
So if we think about it sisters, the Qadr itself is not to be blamed, our opinion of the Qadr/the event is what we have to look at and is also what we will be judged on.
But many times we blame the circumstances and believe that the circumstances caused our feelings. When in fact we caused our own feelings with the way we thought about it.
Our emotions then cause our actions so our actions are in fact caused by our thoughts. 🤯😆Have I lost you?
In psychology this process is addressed in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is
empirically tested and used in therapy, life coaching, and organizational psychology. CBT uses strategies to interrupt unhealthy thought patterns and uses positive self-talk and imagery to redirect the patient’s thinking in order to change their mood.
This to me is sooo amazing because it means I can change my emotions by changing my thoughts about what happens to me. This is also called reframing and I see it so much in the Sunnah of our beloved prophet Salallahu Alayhi wa salaam.
Let’s look at these two ahadiths:
Umm al-Ala reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, visited me when I was sick, and he said, “Be cheerful, O mother of al-Ala. When a Muslim is sick, Allah takes away his sins just as fire takes away impurities in gold and silver.”
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 3092
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani
Narrated Ibn `Abbas:
The Prophet (ﷺ) went to visit a sick bedouin. Whenever the Prophet (ﷺ) went to a patient, he used to say to him, “Don’t worry, if Allah will, it will be expiation (for your sins):” The bedouin said, “You say expiation? No, it is but a fever that is boiling or harassing an old man and will lead him to his grave without his will.” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Then, yes, it is so.”
Can you see how he peace be upon him is teaching them how to reframe?
So many ahadith on that … think of the one that says everything is good for the believer…. our deen is soo positive sisters. 🥰✨
This is why I love to coach sisters on reframing their thoughts.
It is truly a powerful way to manage your emotions.
If you struggle with managing your emotions start working on reframing your thoughts and see how you feel in shaa Allah. I know it’s helped me a lot in my own life. Alhamdulillah. 🌱
However, if we don’t manage our ‘negative’ or unhelpful emotions, we cause our own ‘negative’ reality.
Remember the sick bedouin in the hadith above who refused to reframe his thoughts to more beneficial thoughts? The response of Rasulullah Salallahu Alayhi wa Salaam was “then it is so”.
How many times did we cause a reality for ourselves that we dislike because of the way we approached our Qadr!?!😰
Our prophet Salallahu Alayhi wa Salaam was taught by Allah Azza Wajal, the Only Creator of the Heavens and the Earth and all that is in between. He Allah Azza Wajal knows His creation to perfection. He taught His Messenger to teach his ummah about what we call reframing nowadays i.e change your perspective about a situation so that it benefits you.
Reflect on these two ahadith and see how the reframing is taught here maa shaa Allah.
Alhamdulillah I have recently designed a new coaching package that is called meaningful self-care in which I help my sister over a period of 15 weeks manage her thoughts, her emotions and strengthen her connection with Allah Azza Wajal.
I help my sister gain back control of herself bi idhnillah.
Right now, I still have a few slots available for this package before I close it for another 3 months in shaa Allah.
You can book a free 15 min interview with me to discuss the package or any coaching options I offer. I am not a counselor nor a therapist but I have trained and certified in emotional intelligence and happiness lifecoaching among other niches so I do have a lot of worksheets in addition to my own material (from 10 years of experience coaching sisters from an islamic perspective) to help you figure out your thoughts and feelings 😊.
Book your free consult now . Time to do good is now! Can’t wait to help you gain back the power your Lord created you with! You got this bi idhnillah!💪🏽🌱
Binta Umm Yahya is the owner of Al An 4 U Online Coaching which is an online platform for Qur’an lessons, Islamic studies and Lifecoaching for Muslimas and women interested in Islam. She has been teaching for over 7 years now and is an ongoing student of Qur’an with her husband imam Ahmed Abu Suhailah.
She loves reciting, teaching and reflecting on the Qur’an.
She is also a certified Master Lifecoach and coaches sisters to help them gain clarity, focus and understanding of their religion so they live their best life connecting to their Maker. Whenever she is not teaching or coaching, you can find her staring at the sky, reading or journaling with a big cup of tea ☕️ .