Coaching others does not mean that I have everything figured out and that I do not need my own tools to level up. I absolutely do and because I do, I use the very same tools I share with my clients for my own growth 🌱✨.
Just this past week, I have been coaching myself on some thoughts that were not helpful. These thoughts showed me that I had some insecurities to work on and overcome bi idhnillah.
So I use three powerful tools that I will share with you in this post bi idhnillah. Ready? Excited? Ok let’s go!
The first tool is du’a! Turn your worries or unhelpful thoughts in du’a sisters. It truly helps you come out of that unhelpful and negative state. It kicks the devil away too as you engaged in Dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Allah Azza Wajal teaches us to do just that in His Noble Book:
وَإِمَّا يَنزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ نَزْغٌ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ – 7:200
And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaitan (Satan) then seek refuge with Allah. Verily, He is All-Hearer, All-Knower.
The second tool I use and coach sisters with is the ‘what ifs’ exercise.
Many times we use “what if’s” in a negative way. For example, people say “what if I get fired”, “what if my marriage goes bad”, “what if this positive change I am seeing does not last”, “what if he leaves me”, “what if they reject my work” and so on and so on.
These “what if’s” take away our ability to feel joy because they stop us from doing what we really want in life out of fear of “what if”.
So I coach sisters on turning our “what if’s” into POSITIVE ones instead.
“What if I get a promotion?” and “what if our relationship improves?” “What if they absolutely love my work?” “What if he deeply loves me?” “What if all will be well in the end?” “What if this is a means to my Jannah?”
The fact is that we do not know the ghayb (unseen) so why choose to think the negative route?
Negative ‘what ifs’ are not helpful and may even highlight a lack of trust in Allah Al Mu’min, Al Muhaymeen. A believer is taught to maintain hope and never despair.
I had to remind myself of this fact just this past week when in three instances, my brain wanted to go to some ‘what ifs’ that were not serving me. I noticed them, made du’a and reframed. In the end, all the negative what ifs that popped up were proven wrong and kicked to the curve.😎
Building awareness helps a lot with this work. Whenever the urge to interpret a situation in a negative way came, I told myself “nope Binta, you have no idea if this is true, what if …. and would focus on a more positive interpretation.”
This really works and I find it most helpful in overcoming one’s insecurities 😊.
Remember my dear sisters that Allah Azza Wajal has blessed you and me with a powerful unconscious mind and it will LOOK FOR whatever you tell it to look for.
By saying “I can’t do anything right, my brain is distorted, I am a total mess, my life is a big failure, I am so dumb, clumsy etc…” your mind automatically begins scanning your life for evidence of what you just said! Thus, my dear sister you want to make sure that whatever you put after “I am..” is positive and empowering.
It does not matter if what you say is internal or out loud. It still remains impactful.
Try this week to pay close attention to what you are saying about yourself and your life.
Alhamdulillah I have designed a coaching package that is called meaningful self-care in which I help my sister over a period of 15 weeks manage her thoughts, her emotions and strengthen her connection with Allah Azza Wajal.
I still have two slots available for this package before I close it for another 3 months in shaa Allah.
To book your free coaching interview session to see if our services are a good fit, book your consult here.
The fact sisters, is that we are always affirming something about ourselves, either positive or negative. And these words have powerful impact on our psyche and on our lives.
Our deen teaches us that it is not ok for us to curse ourselves or make du’a against ourselves so let’s be kind to ourselves. 💕
Jabir ibn Abdullah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Do not supplicate against yourselves, do not supplicate against your children, and do not supplicate against your wealth, lest it coincide with a time in which Allah is asked and he gives and your supplication is answered.”
In another narration, the Prophet said, “Do not supplicate against your servants.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 3014
The third reframing tool I want to share with you is the best friend approach. What you would never tell your best friend, don’t tell it to yourself. What you would never say to someone you deeply love, don’t say it to yourself.
Again the point here is that we need to be kind and gentle with ourselves. After all, you and I are the slaves of The Most Gentle, Ar Rafeeq and HE loves gentleness.
I pray you find these three tools very helpful. Try them out and please let me know in the comments if you found them helpful. I know I have.
Remember, pay attention to it, reframe using du’a, positive ‘what ifs’ and the girlfriend approach and watch yourself say farewell to the negativity.
You got this bi idhnillah ✨🌱
NB: Did you notice how the names of Allah Azza Wajal help me make my point in this post? When you know the names and attributes of your Maker deeply, it becomes easy to reframe, to gain perspective and to adopt a more helpful approach. I invite you to join our beautiful class on the names of Allah Azza Wajal which is starting next Saturday in shaa Allah. Self-study options are available. Click on the picture below to access the registration form. See you in class!
Go ahead and do some good by sharing this post with anyone you think might benefit. 🤩
Binta Umm Yahya is the owner of Al An 4 U Online Coaching which is an online platform for Qur’an lessons, Islamic studies and Lifecoaching for Muslimas and women interested in Islam. She has been teaching Qur’an for over 7 years now and is an ongoing student of Qur’an with her husband imam Ahmed Abu Suhailah. She loves reciting, teaching and reflecting on the Qur’an. She is a Certified Master Lifecoach and absolutely enjoys coaching her sisters in faith to help them gain clarity, focus and understanding of their religion so they live their best life and connect to their Maker. Whenever she is not teaching or coaching, you can find her staring at the sky, reading or journaling with a big cup of tea. 🙂